Under Your Skin: Healing From Excuses
Jul 07, 2026
There is something I want to talk about this week that may feel a little uncomfortable.
Not because I want to shame you, or point a finger, but because I want you free.
Sometimes the thing keeping us stuck is not only the pain itself. It is the explanation we keep repeating for why we don't change.
It's the reason, the story, the “just this once,” the “I’ll start later,” the “it’s not that big of a deal,” the “they made me feel this way,” or the “this is just how I am.”
Those statements may feel small in the moment, but over time they can become a pattern. And when a pattern becomes familiar enough, we may stop recognizing that we are still choosing it.
That's why this conversation matters. Because if we are willing to get honest, not cruel, not condemning, but honest, we can begin to see the places where our excuses have been protecting the very thing we say we want to change.
See the patterns. Then choose something different.
This week on the Be a Blaze Podcast, I’m talking about the excuses, justifications, and codependent patterns that can keep us looping. This is a direct conversation, and it is also full of hope.
🎧 Listen to podcast Episode 51: Under Your Skin - Healing From Excuses
Excuses Usually Have a Job
Most excuses don't show up randomly. They usually have a job.
They help us avoid discomfort. They help us delay a hard choice. They help us stay close to what feels familiar. They help us protect an old coping pattern. They help us keep getting the relief, comfort, or quick hit we have learned to reach for.
And that is why excuses can be so sneaky.
Because in the moment, an excuse can sound kind. It can sound like compassion. It can sound like, “I deserve this,” or “I have had a hard day,” or “This is not the right time to change.”
But sometimes what we are calling kindness is actually avoidance. Sometimes what we are calling grace is really permission to stay unconscious.
And that is where we get to wake up. Not to beat ourselves up, but to tell the truth.
The Familiar Pattern Can Feel Safe
One of the reasons excuses are so powerful is because they are familiar. Even if the pattern is painful, it may still feel safer than doing something new.
If you are used to numbing, change may feel threatening. Used to people pleasing, setting a boundary may feel mean. Blaming your past? Taking responsibility for today may feel unfair. If you're used to starting over every Monday, choosing differently on a random Thursday may feel strange.
That doesn't mean change is wrong. It means your nervous system may be responding to the unfamiliar.
This is why awareness is so important. When you can notice the excuse without immediately obeying it, you create a pause. And in that pause, you can ask, “What is this excuse trying to protect? What am I avoiding right now? What am I afraid will happen if I choose differently? What would actually bring life here?”
That pause is powerful.
Codependency Can Keep the Loop Alive
Codependency is not always obvious.
Sometimes it looks like needing someone else to agree with your choices so you can feel okay. Sometimes it looks like blaming someone else for why you reacted the way you did. Sometimes like using an event, a relationship, a family gathering, a vacation, your kids, your spouse, your friends, or someone else’s behavior as the reason you stepped away from what you said you wanted.
It can sound like, “Everyone else was doing it,” or “I didn't want to feel left out,” or “I didn't want to explain myself,” or “They made me so mad, so I just gave up.”
But here is the invitation.
What if other people do not get to be the reason you abandon yourself?
What if someone else’s choice does not have to become your permission slip?
What if you can stay connected to people without handing them authority over your health, your peace, your choices, or your healing?
That is where healthy independence begins. Not isolation. Not “I don't need anybody.” But the ability to stay connected to yourself while you are connected to others.
Comparison Is Another Way We Avoid Ourselves
Comparison can also become an excuse.
Sometimes we compare ourselves to other people. Their body, their healing, their discipline, their marriage, their business, their strength, their progress.
And sometimes we compare ourselves to an old version of ourselves. Who I used to be. What I used to look like. What I used to be able to do. How strong I used to feel. How far along I thought I should be by now.
Comparison keeps us looking sideways or backward instead of telling the truth about where we are right now.
When we live from comparison, we can start using it as proof that change is not working, proof that we are behind, proof that it is too late, or proof that we are too far gone.
Comparison is not clarity. It is usually distraction.
The more helpful question is not, “Why am I not like them?” or “Why am I not who I used to be?”
The better question is, “What is my next honest choice from where I am today?”
Start by Naming the Excuse
One of the most practical things you can do is write it down. Not just think about it. Not keep it floating around in your head. Actually write it down.
Write down the excuses you use most often.
The delays, the rationalizations, the blame, the “just this once” moments, and the places where you keep giving yourself permission to go back to the old pattern.
Get specific.
When does it happen? Who are you usually with? What are you feeling right before it happens? What do you tell yourself to make it okay? What do you get from the old pattern? What does it cost you afterward?
This is not about creating a list to shame yourself with. This is about shining light on the pattern. Once you see it clearly, it loses some of its power.
Choose What You Actually Want
After you name the excuse, you get to ask a different question. What do I want?
Not what do I want to avoid. Not what do I want to numb. Not what do I want to blame.
What do I actually want?
Maybe you want to feel strong. Maybe you want to be present with your family. Have energy. Live with peace. Maybe you want to break a pattern that's been in your family for generations. Stop abandoning yourself. Maybe you want to become the healthiest version of you.
Let yourself want something bigger than the familiar pattern. Let yourself imagine something that may even feel a little wild at first.
And then bring it back into today. What choice matches that desire? Not the whole transformation. Just the next choice.
The Next Choice Is Where Change Begins
Change does not usually happen because of one giant dramatic decision. It happens in the small places where you become conscious.
The moment you notice the excuse and pause. The moment you tell the truth. The moment you choose not to blame someone else. The moment you stop using an event as permission to abandon yourself. The moment you prepare ahead instead of pretending you had no choice. The moment you ask, “What do I really want here?”
Those moments matter.
They may feel small, but they aren't. They are you waking up. You stepping out of the loop. They are you learning that you are not powerless in your own life.
And no, you will not do it perfectly. I do not do it perfectly.
Perfection is not the goal. Consciousness is. Awareness is. Choosing differently, one honest moment at a time, is.
You Are Not Too Far Gone
I want you to hear this clearly. You are not too far gone.
You may have patterns that have been with you for a long time. You may have pain that taught you to cope in ways that once made sense. You may have made choices you wish you had not made. You may feel frustrated that you are still dealing with some of the same things.
But you are not too far gone.
There is still room to wake up. Room to choose. Room to heal. There is still room to stop explaining away the life you say you want and start making choices that align with it.
So this week, let the conversation get under your skin a little bit. Let it stir something. Let it reveal the places where excuses have been protecting old patterns.
And then let it become an invitation.
Not into shame, but into freedom. Into honesty. Into consciousness. Into the kind of change that helps you live more awake, more whole, more connected, and more on fire.
I dare you to live it out.