I Hated Both Versions of Me—Until This Shift Changed Everything

I remember the day like it was yesterday. 

I had just stepped off the scale, my eyes locked on a number I’d never seen before. My heart sank. My stomach turned. I shuffled over to the mirror, and what came next was brutal. 

“You idiot. You stupid cow. Look how fat you are. You did this. What’s wrong with you?” 

I stood there, attacking myself with the most vicious words—tearing myself apart from the top of my head to the tips of my toes. My reflection blurred through tears I refused to let fall. I was filled with disgust… but the truth? It wasn’t new. 

Then, in the middle of my inner war, a quiet thought interrupted everything: 

“You know, Polly… you hate yourself now. But you also hated yourself when you were your tiniest.” 

I froze. 

That whisper hit me harder than any insult I’d just thrown. I stood there, stunned. And then it hit me—I’d hated myself at my largest, and I’d hated myself at my smallest. 

That was the moment everything cracked open. 

This wasn’t about my weight.
It never had been.
It was about my hate.
The lens I used to see myself—distorted, critical, and cruel—was the real enemy. 

And here’s what I learned:
If I didn’t change the way I saw myself, no number on the scale would ever be low enough. No size would ever be small enough. No mirror would ever reflect the joy I was desperate to feel. 

So, I started shifting—not perfectly, but intentionally. 

🌱 I began talking back to the toxic thoughts instead of obeying them.
🌱 I started questioning the lies I’d believed for years and choosing new truths.
🌱 I looked at myself with curiosity instead of criticism.
🌱 I treated my body as a teammate instead of an enemy.
🌱 I practiced compassion—even when it felt foreign. 

And something beautiful happened… 

My body began to heal.
Not just physically, but emotionally. Spiritually.
The weight of shame, hate, and self-rejection began to melt—because I was no longer holding it. 

Today, I look at old photos and don’t see a “before and after.”
I see a woman who was taught to hate herself… learning how to love herself to health.
And that is the transformation I’m most proud of. 

Friend, please don’t wait for a number to give you permission to love yourself.
Don’t wait until you feel “worthy enough.”
Start now. With love. With hope. With curiosity. 

Whether you choose to join us inside TDAH! (Think Differently About Health) or not, I hope you choose to do this heart work. 

Because your body deserves love.
You deserve love. 

And when you start seeing yourself through the lens of compassion,
everything begins to change. 💛 

Your body will thank you.
And so will your soul. 

Love & Healing,

Polly Hamp